What Dancing With the Stars Can Teach Us

Dancing With the Stars, the ABC hit show now in its 35th season, has a thing or two to teach us all about showing up, taking risks, and being vulnerable.

Theodore Roosevelt famously wrote: “It is not the critic who counts… The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.”

Brené Brown built much of Daring Greatly around this idea—the courage it takes to show up, be vulnerable, risk failure, and allow yourself to be seen. She calls this choosing the arena over the cheap seats.

I think about that quote every time I watch Dancing With the Stars.

There is something uniquely vulnerable about competing on that stage. You are learning something you may have never done before, practicing for hours, performing in front of millions of people, and then waiting while strangers critique your body, your performance, your choices, and your mistakes. You can receive a 10 and still read the comments telling you everything you did wrong.

And yet, dancers keep stepping into the arena.

From an MFT perspective, this is about more than dancing, or even competing. We are profoundly relational beings, and being seen by others can feel both deeply connecting and deeply frightening. Many of us learn to protect ourselves from shame by avoiding situations where we might fail, look foolish, disappoint someone, or be judged.

There Is Another Option: Show Up Anyway

In spite of the risks, there is another option: show up anyway.

The goal isn’t to become immune to criticism or insecurity. It’s to develop enough self-trust that the possibility of judgment doesn’t determine whether we participate in our own lives.

Maybe that’s the real lesson of the stage.

You don’t have to be the best dancer in the room to belong in the arena. You don’t have to guarantee that you’ll succeed. You don’t even have to feel confident.

You just have to be willing to try.

Because sometimes courage looks less like winning and more like walking onto the dance floor, secure in the knowledge that you’re taking risks and pushing yourself, and what others think really is beside the point.

So as the next season of Dancing With the Stars begins, enjoy the spectacle, sure, but see if you can spot the bravery beneath the glitz. And then see if you can find some inspiration to step onto your own dance floor.

Megan Pardy, LMFT, works in our Plano office and is also available for virtual sessions.