Boundaries Made Better

Boundaries can be defined as needs and expectations that help us feel safe in our relationships.

Creating and practicing healthy boundaries leads to feeling respected, loved, and safe.  Boundaries indicate how you allow people to show up for you and how you show up for others. Communicating our needs and expectations promotes wellness and is a fundamental part of interacting in our relationships in a safe, comfortable way.

Boundaries are needed when you:

• Feel overwhelmed
• Feel stressed
• Feel resentment
• Feel burned out
• Have no time for yourself
• Avoid interactions and/or phone calls with others who may ask something of you

Learning to be assertive about your expectations and needs with others, work, social media, etc. can help you manage feelings of stress, anxiety, and depression and help with your emotional, mental, and physical well-being.

One major sign of boundary issues is not having time to take care of or do anything for yourself.  On airplanes, we are reminded that it is important to put on our own oxygen mask before we help others.  In our lives, the same sentiment applies – by paying attention to and meeting your personal needs, you will have more energy for the people in your life.

Three Levels of a Boundary:

• Porous boundaries are usually poorly expressed or not expressed at all. This leads to feeling depleted, depressed, and anxious (i.e. little to no emotional separation, not being able to say no, fear of being rejected, oversharing, and people-pleasing).
• Rigid boundaries are built to keep others out, protect oneself, and create distance (i.e. no sharing, fear of and lack of vulnerability, cutting people off).
• Healthy boundaries require an awareness of your capacities and limitations and are expressed clearly (i.e. healthy level of vulnerability and sharing, being able to say no and receive a no from others without being hurt, and being clear about your personal values).

Setting healthy boundaries is easier said than done. However, with practice, this will become less difficult and the long-term benefits are absolutely worth it!  Setting boundaries requires communication and action.  Once you’re able to identify boundary issues in your life, you can start to implement boundaries in all aspects of your life (i.e. work).

For help setting healthy boundaries or if you would like to discuss any other matter in more detail, schedule an appointment with Lily Ha here.