(2) Is this even fixable? How would you approach a health crisis? After hearing a doctor say there is a 60% chance of making it or that an entire lifestyle change will be in order, but you would get through it, would the same effort be put towards mental and relational health as physical health? And a side note: A good therapist will not give you a percentage on whether a relationship is going to make it.
(3) I need to work on this before I go to a therapist. If you were in a car accident and the paramedics were placing you on a stretcher to take you to the hospital, would you tell them that you needed to go home first and clean up? Or if you had bronchitis or some other illness, would you tell yourself you needed to get better before going in to see the medical doctor? I hope not. When our relationships start to shift, or we get stuck in an anxiety cycle, a decision-making hamster wheel, or every issue seems to feel like a fire, we need to make a call to a therapist who can help us process and work through the suffering. Going to therapy is facing the fear of being found out, of being exposed. The internal question may even be, “Will you see the human in my being?”
We are nearing the holidays. A time when we will be bombarded by commercials of happy people and families gathered around the perfect place setting with the finest china. We’ll be harassed with bows and boxes, stuff we just ‘have’ to have in order to feel valued and of worth. Now and through the beginning of January can be some of the loneliest times of the year. There are reminders everywhere of the loved one not gathered at the table, the family longed for but instead, cut-off.
I want to encourage you to find a trusted therapist who can help you navigate through your grief and loss and unpack some suffering you have been carrying around. Let her or him help you gain coping skills so that the holidays can be a little more bearable in your relationships with your partner, children, or other family members. If you’re wanting a better or stronger relationship, let me urge you not to wait until New Year’s resolution time. Start working on yourself now and working on gaining different perspectives to help you enjoy life again. Begin learning ways to improve your communication with your partner and fighting fairly today. Taking small steps now will get you moving in the right direction.
Quotes taken from: “Maybe You Should Talk To Someone: A Therapist, Her Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed” by Lori Gottlieb.