There is much being written today about social division and how people seem to be increasingly angry. I have seen an increase in the number of clients who come to my office complaining that they experience anger in their body, not really knowing why, or what to do with it. Some even feel a huge weight of guilt, fearing that their anger is in some way a sin against their family or God. Clients coming from a faith background will often quote Ephesians 4:26, “Be angry and do not sin, do not let the sun go down on your anger…” and ask, “How am I supposed to do that?”
The good news is that there is a way to release anger in ways that are healing and respectful to all parties involved, and one of the favorite parts of my job is helping clients find their own path to that peace. One of the places to start is to help clients understand what is going on in their own body, and what God (as the engineering designer and manufacturer of their body) has to say about how that body is designed to work.
Many times, anger comes from confusion that many people wrestle with when the things they were taught by parents, grandparents, social-learning institutions, governing laws, and experiences in everyday life just don’t work, or even work against each other.
Healing is made easier when starting from solid foundations. Faith and science can provide anchors to solid foundations. Keep in mind I am referring to scientific observations, not necessarily preconception-based conclusions. Therapeutic interventions based on scientific observation are extremely helpful in healing; for example,
Another useful observation is that emotions represent chemical changes in the body and are thus separate from behaviors. Once a client learns they can “be angry” without “acting angry” they begin to empower themselves and their communication of what is important in their lives and live out the Scripture found in the Bible of being angry without sinning (harming self or others).
From a faith-based perspective, anger is more than a protective response to evolutionary threats from the environment or other humans; it is a natural biological protest against a perceived injustice. In other words, the emotion is designed by a loving Creator to motivate a person to a “hunger for righteousness” (Matthew 5:6). So, in addition to self-empowerment skills, faith-based interventions can include communication of respect and value for self and for others, seeking justice, and forgiveness.
The Bible is not a textbook on psychology. However, it can play an important part in counseling in that there are many verses that apply directly to human behavior. There is encouragement in the Book of James (1:22) to “be doers of the Word, not hearers only,” meaning part of the effort of understanding Scripture is learning how to apply it to daily life. One of the freedoms and difficulties in Scripture is it generally provides important guidance on “what” to do, but leaves the “how” of doing it to us.
The Ephesians quote noted above suggests there is a way to express anger at an injustice, without sinning (harming others, or doing something that results in guilt and or shame). In other words, a person can express anger, but in a way that doesn’t cause harm. There is also encouragement in Scripture for people to resolve issues quickly, or as soon as possible, and not to wait (Matthew 5:23-25).
Interventions that help achieve this goal include identifying the perceived injustice and expanding on that injustice in self-examination:
This approach is not about only being angry when it is “righteous.” Treatment must include allowance for anger sensations, even when selfish, because all humans experience these emotions. What’s important is finding a way to communicate that anger in ways that are not sinful — ways that are respectful to self and others.
If you are having difficulty communicating when life seems unfair, if you find yourself increasingly anxious or resentful because an issue continues to build inside you or between you and important people in your life, let us help you find ways to release that pressure. Let us help you find ways to say what needs to be said in ways that do not require an apology afterward.
Call us here at Stanford Couples Counseling and let us help you be angry in a healthy, productive way.
Dr. Luigi Leos (LPC) has worked for more than two decades to integrate faith, science, coaching, and counseling in a way that helps clients discover their full potential. He works in our McKinney office and is also available for virtual sessions. Call to schedule with Dr. Leos today!
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