Infertility Awareness Week
With infertility awareness week rounding the corner on April 23 -29, it is striking to me that the experience of infertility is far more lasting that seven days. Those living with the ambiguous loss and …
What is the effect our childhood really have on our adult relationships? I am not sure if you have ever wondered this, but I think it is very important that this question be on everybody’s mind. When you are getting all the preparations ready for your wedding, you may have briefly thought about how your background and your partner’s background are going to get along. Or, you may have friends that you are not really sure why you are friends with them. There may have been past relationships you are glad you are not a part of anymore. Or maybe you have never thought about these things until today. Turns out our childhood experiences have a great deal of influence on our adult relationships. How does this look like?
One study found that there is a connection between a child’s relationship with a trusted adult and their ability to develop social skills as an adult and build trust with others. In other words, children who grow up with at least one trusted adult have the ability to build stronger relationships than children who don’t grow up with any trusted adults. I would like to point out that having a trusted adult is just one aspect of a childhood experience among many others. However, it is a very important aspect. The researchers of this study go on to explain that promoting strong adult-child relationships is critical to the development of resilience in children, who then grow up to be adults. The adults you had in your childhood do have a certain influence on you, whether it is positive or not. These relationships we had as children impact the way we as adults relate to others, which in turn factors into our relationship choices.
The most important adult-child relationship according to relationship experts, attachment theory, and many mental health professionals around the world is the parent-child relationship. The parent-child relationship creates such a close bond and is precisely why it has such an impact on the child’s development and adulthood. As mentioned previously, it is about having a trusted adult. Children need to trust their parents. Trust them with what? Children need to trust that their parents will provide for their basic, emotional, and discipline needs. Yes that’s right, even discipline.
When you are able to meet all these needs for your children, they will have a better sense of trust built in them, a healthier self-esteem, and a better ability to create healthy relationships as adults.
Source: Ashton, K., Davies, A. R., Hughes, K., Ford, K., Cotter-Roberts, A., & Bellis, M. A. (2021). Adult support during childhood: A retrospective study of trusted adult relationships, sources of personal adult support and their association with childhood resilience resources. BMC Psychology, 9, 1-11
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