Have you ever found yourself living in the tension of maintaining a relationship with family you care for and love, while also upholding a standard of self-respect for your well-being? You may even find yourself in conversations with people who tell you to set the firm boundary of cutting these family members out of your life indefinitely. While blocking or removing relationships may seem like the only good option, there can be other ways of navigating difficult relationships. Granted, removing ourselves from abusive or even harmful familial relationships is necessary in various situations. However, not all relationships require such extreme measures. The relationship may require a less emotionally jarring solution. What if there are other ways to set familial boundaries while also salvaging the relationship?
I want to share steps of communication to explore and exhaust before indefinitely ending relationships with family. While this option may be less jarring than the emotional cutoff for all involved, this may still be emotionally tiring and require consistency.
This may seem like a no-brainer, but some people simply may not be aware of how they are hurting you. The vulnerability of communicating hurt and pain may be daunting, however, it could be the catalyst for restoring health to a relationship.
While it’s easy to want to “tell people about themselves,” and meet them with the same criticism you may receive from them, sometimes sharing how much you value the relationship can be effective. Accusatory statements may cause the person to feel attacked, and not receive why you are trying to communicate. The gentleness and affirmation within this approach can help bring one’s guard down and prevent unnecessary, cyclical arguments.
Lastly, this is the step that will require courage, clarity, and consistency. Because of how much you value your relationship, communicating the familial boundary that you will not engage in conversations that will compromise the health of the relationship is an important step. Not only does this step require the courage of direct communication and boundaries, but it also requires the discipline of follow-through. This may sound something like, “Because of how much I love you and value the relationship we have, I will not debate my stance on this.” Or, “I value your opinion and input, but in this situation, I will not argue with you about my decision.” Communicate and stick to your boundaries!
Navigating relationships with familial boundaries can be challenging! However, the more you exercise your voice, the more you will find yourself upholding a standard and giving yourself the self-respect you deserve. It may be tiring to be consistent, but it is worth it in the end.
To discuss familial boundaries with Trinity, schedule an appointment today!
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