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Change is a natural part of life, yet navigating change can be difficult. Sometimes change is exciting and something we have been looking forward to–starting a new job, moving into a new home, getting married, welcoming a new baby, or simply entering a new season of life. Even when change is positive, however, it can still be difficult to navigate.
The end of summer and the beginning of a new school year is a perfect example. Summer often brings a slower pace, later nights, vacations, more flexibility, and perhaps a little less structure. Then, suddenly, alarm clocks are ringing, backpacks need to be packed, homework begins, extracurricular activities fill the calendar, and everyone is trying to figure out how to get out the door on time. For some families, the transition can even bring a few bittersweet tears.
For blended and co-parenting families, the transition may bring additional changes. Children may move between households and adjust to different routines, parenting styles, and expectations. Parents may also be navigating their own emotions as they transition from one parenting schedule to another. And it isn’t just our children who are adjusting. As adults, we are adjusting, too. Maybe the slower pace of summer helped you establish new habits that you don’t want to lose when life gets busy again. Maybe your workout routine fell off during the summer, and you’re hoping to get back on track. Maybe you loved having more relaxed mornings with your partner and are already anticipating how difficult it will be to find that time once school starts.
Transitions can be hard, even when they are good. So how can we navigate these changes while maintaining connection with ourselves, our partners, and our families?
When we experience stress or anxiety in other areas of our lives, it can easily spill over into our relationships. When we are stressed or anxious, our window of tolerance can become narrower. This means we may have less capacity to listen, be patient, show compassion, and respond thoughtfully to our partner.
Sometimes anxiety doesn’t look like anxiety. It can look like irritability. Maybe you’re overwhelmed by everything that needs to get done, but instead of saying, “I’m feeling really overwhelmed,” you snap at your partner because they left their clothes on the floor. Maybe you’re worried about how you’ll manage the new schedule, but it comes out as frustration when your partner doesn’t seem to be helping enough. Recognizing what is happening underneath our irritability can make a big difference. Instead of reacting to your partner, try communicating the more vulnerable feeling underneath the reaction.
Using an “I statement” can be a helpful place to start: “When X happens, I feel Y, and I need Z.” For example: “When I look at everything on our calendar for next week, I feel overwhelmed and anxious. I need us to sit down together and figure out how we’re going to manage everything.”
This approach focuses on your feelings and needs rather than attacking your partner. It gives your partner an opportunity to understand what you are experiencing and work with you to find a solution.
One of the best ways to navigate a transition is to be proactive rather than reactive. For example, instead of waiting until everyone is overwhelmed, sit down with your partner before or at the beginning of the school year and talk about what this new season might look like. What do each of you need? What are you anticipating will be difficult? What kind of support would feel helpful? Do you need more structure, more alone time, more quality time together, help with the children, or simply a little more patience and understanding?
These conversations can help you and your partner get on the same page before the stress of the new routine begins. For blended and co-parenting families, this may also mean talking about how transitions between households will be handled and how you can help children adjust to different routines and expectations. Creating consistency when possible, communicating clearly, and giving children space to express their feelings can help make these transitions easier.
When life gets busy, self-care is often one of the first things to disappear from our calendars. We tell ourselves we’ll get back to it when things slow down…but sometimes things don’t slow down. A relationship can only be as healthy as the individuals within it. Taking care of yourself allows you to show up as the best version of yourself, not only as a partner, but also as a parent, sibling, friend, or child. Self-care can look like getting back to your workout routine, going for a walk, reading before bed, spending time with friends, or simply having 30 minutes to yourself without anyone needing anything from you. Try not to view self-care as taking time away from your family or partner. Think of it as an investment in yourself and your mental and physical health. When you take care of yourself, you increase your capacity to handle stress and widen your window of tolerance, making it easier to respond to the people you love with patience and compassion. Ask yourself and your partner: “What do I need to feel like myself during this new season?” Then ask, “How can we help each other make that possible?”
We often prioritize everything that has to get done: work, school, homework, meals, laundry, appointments, and extracurricular activities. What gets pushed to the bottom of the list? Often, it’s ourselves and our relationships. Think of your relationship like a plant. A plant needs water, sunlight, and care to thrive. If you stop watering it because life gets busy, eventually it is going to start struggling. Relationships work in a similar way.
When school starts and life becomes hectic, intentional connection with your partner can easily become an afterthought. You may still love each other deeply, but suddenly realize you haven’t had a meaningful conversation in days. Or you’ve spent the entire evening together but haven’t actually connected.
Before or at the beginning of the school year, talk about how you can intentionally care for your relationship. Maybe that means scheduling a date night, having coffee together before the kids wake up, taking a walk after dinner, putting your phones away for 20 minutes, or simply checking in with each other at the end of the day. It doesn’t have to be elaborate. What matters is being intentional. Ask each other: “What helps you feel connected to me when life gets busy?”
Children often benefit from predictable routines, especially during times of transition. Creating structure doesn’t mean your family has to operate like the military. It simply means establishing routines that help everyone know what to expect.
Before the school year gets busy, consider discussing what your morning and bedtime routines will look like, when homework will happen, expectations around screen time, household responsibilities, extracurricular activities, and transportation. For blended and co-parenting families, think about what routines might help make transitions between households easier and how you will respond when your children are struggling with the adjustment.
Being proactive can also mean taking care of the little things that make everyday life easier. Maybe it means filling up the gas tank the night before instead of discovering you have an empty gas tank when you’re already running late in the morning. Maybe it means doing the laundry over the weekend, so you don’t wake up Monday morning and discover someone is out of clean underwear. Maybe it means planning meals and making a grocery list, so you’re not relying on expensive takeout every night. These things may not feel particularly exciting, but our future selves will thank us. Small preparations can reduce some of the unnecessary stress that comes with an already busy season.
HealthyChildren.org offers useful tips and strategies to help the school year start right.
Transitions can bring a mixture of emotions. You might be excited to see your child start a new grade while simultaneously missing the slower days of summer. You might be looking forward to getting back into a routine while grieving the freedom and flexibility that summer brought. You might be excited about the changes ahead while also feeling anxious about how you’re going to manage them. All of those feelings can exist at the same time.
Rather than expecting yourself, your partner, or your family to transition perfectly, give yourselves some grace. Talk about what you need. Be curious about what your partner is experiencing. Create routines that support your family. Make space for self-care and connection. And remember that adjusting to a new season takes time.
If you and your partner find yourselves struggling to communicate, feeling disconnected, or repeatedly getting caught in conflict as you navigate changes in your family, couples therapy can provide a space to slow down and understand what is happening beneath the surface. Therapy can help couples communicate their needs more effectively, navigate changes in parenting and family life, and create intentional ways to stay connected even when life gets busy.
The goal isn’t to eliminate all of the stress that comes with change. The goal is to learn how to navigate it together. A new season can be an opportunity to pause, reassess, and intentionally decide how you want to show up–for yourself, for your partner, and for your family. With a little preparation, communication, and compassion, you can enter this new season not only with a new routine, but with a stronger sense of connection along the way.
Maria Siqueiros Griswold works virtually and in our Flower Mound location. Maria is fluent in both English and Spanish.
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